Recently, it occurred to me that my 2016 has been nothing short of epic. Since Jan. 1st, Tuck and I have grown his little company, travelled the country growning our tribe of sketchy parents, adventurers, vagabonds, business associates, and overall great people.
We’ve spoken at universities, large corporations, and disability organizations, with more on the horizon. I’ve personally met, and been FB friended by, some of the world’s leading Autistic Advocates, and I am honored immensely by that.
But, for the past two months, I’ve struggled as a parent, fearing that the bond between Tucker and I was weakening. We’ve spent considerable time away from each other, with his mother stepping up to help quite often. And, he is 18 and jonesin’ for independence.
Depression has had a fast hold on me at times, as the exhaustion of solo-parenting while battling with traditional education and social service agencies over the years has caught up.
Business opportunities for Tuck’s Tooques remain unleveraged because I simply can’t keep up: inquiries from publishers, directors, investors, advisors, retailers, etc., are stalled.
So, I’ve largely checked-out recently, in order to reflect and meditate in a search for balance, energy, and peace. This period has revealed that I’ve been pouring from a cup that’s long been empty.
This week I’ve had conversations with “sketchy parents” I hold in high regard. They shared that they’ve endured similar challenges, and continue to plow forward, taking strength as they overcome adversity. Like them, I am far from done.
And then, last night, I saw a glimpse of Tucker’s “happy,” which I’d not seen since June, and feared may be gone for good. I am deeply in-tune with his emotions, and he is just as sensitive to mine. So my depression has weighed heavily upon him.
But last night, there was so much joy in him. He giggled, chortled, and yapped incessantly, then mid-giggle, from the backseat I heard: “Dad is smiling!”
Indeed. He is.
outerself initiatives 